Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
