I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
