Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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