Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
