Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
