i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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