I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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