Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
