Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
