My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
