i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
