fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
