i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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