I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
