Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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