I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
farters have to be the big spoon...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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