Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
