Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
