I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
