i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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