Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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