My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
