I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dicks are not precious.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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