She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
