my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
