I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
