and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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