Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize