I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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