Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
