i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
