Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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