There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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