so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
