Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am midnight drunk by noon
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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