Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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