It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
