haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
