So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Please don't give away my fajitas
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
