Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
