You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
