Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
