so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
