Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
do nipples grow back?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
