God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
