Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
