Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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