he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
