She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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