You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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