i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
