You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
