So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize