You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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