OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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