I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
