I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
