I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
try to milk me bitch
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