i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i will never coherently bang her
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
