So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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