You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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