Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
