i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i came on her dog
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
