Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
