I wish I only lived at night.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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