I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize