Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
