I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
