$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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