a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
