im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize