Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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