I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
