It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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