We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
