you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
