It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
