I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
