Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
