I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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