you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
