I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
