i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize