it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
