i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
