The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
