The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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