I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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