It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
