I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
